less equaling more   reham


This piece is about feeding an urge, and knowing yourself better as a result. It expresses, in the shape of a captured moment, the beauty of minimalism. I hope many of you will identify, or be driven to identify. Remember, it's just hair.

I remember the trigger. The trigger was that Irish chick singer who appeared on the pop music mainstream and shook the world with her large voice and her beautiful bald head. I took one look at her and knew that was what I wanted. But not now, I thought, not while I was still in high school, not while I was still living in my parents' house in Kuwait, not while I was still a "dependant." I would do it as a rite of passage, when the time came to make the transition from dependence to independence. And the time was coming soon.

I got my high school diploma and took to the Atlantic Ocean like Columbus on speed.

I arrived in the New World, armed with ambition, but wearing too much. It was time to get rid of the extra weight.

Sex is great. But when you nearly have an orgasm doing something nonsexual, thats remarkable. The vibration. Machine to hand, hand to head, hair falling to bathroom floor. My head, with every stroke, more glorified, less constrained, more alive. My head minus the dead weight.

It was a ritual I was performing with myself. An act more profound than sex, that I was sharing with my own reflection. My eyes didnt leave the mirror once, how could they? I was captivated by my own face which was becoming more interesting with every stroke. Lessequaling more. My eyes, my eyebrows, my nose, my mouth, my forehead, my jawline, my neck, my ears, every scar and imperfection and freckle and blemish on my face, all became more pronounced, more obvious, and I looked beautiful. My face was no longer shying away under the socialized female-specific security blanket that they tried to train me to be attached to. I confirmed that I could rid myself of anything if I wanted to.

My face was LOUD, and if you didn't like it I really didn't care.

haadis: discuss this issue with other bintelnas readers on the message board

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